If you had told me a few years ago that I would be sitting in my flat in central London struggling to get a date, I would not have believed you.
I live right in the middle of it all. Busy streets, bars everywhere, people constantly out and about. You would think it would be one of the easiest places in the country to meet someone. That was definitely my assumption. The reality has been very different.
I got divorced about ten years ago. My ex wife was my childhood sweetheart, so I never really had to learn how to date. We met young and stayed together for years. When it ended, I was completely out of my depth.
It took me a long time to even consider meeting someone new. About three years ago, I finally gave it a go and downloaded Tinder and Bumble. I thought I would just ease into it. Instead, it felt like stepping into something I did not understand at all.
Thought living in London would make it easier
I honestly believed location would carry me a bit. More people should mean more chances, but it did not work like that for me.
I would get the odd match, but conversations never really got going. I either did not know what to say or I would overthink it and end up sounding awkward. Half the time I just did not reply because I was worried about saying the wrong thing.
It sounds daft, but it really knocked my confidence. After a while it felt like I was just going through the motions without getting anywhere.
My profile was not doing me any favours
Looking back, my profile was a big part of the problem. A couple of average photos, a short bio that said very little, and nothing that really showed who I was.
I have never been good at talking about myself, especially in a way that feels natural. It either came across flat or like I was trying too hard.
No surprise really that it was not leading anywhere.
The quiz made me realise what I was doing wrong
About six months ago, I came across Flirtist. I was not expecting much, but one thing that stood out was their dating quiz.
I decided to give it a go, and it was probably the first time I properly looked at what might be holding me back.
The results were a bit of an eye opener. It picked up on things I had not really thought about, like how cautious I come across, how I tend to keep conversations too safe, and how that can make things feel flat.
It also gave me a clearer idea of what I needed to do differently. Not in a dramatic way, just small changes that actually made sense.
After that, I used Flirtist to rework my profile. Instead of keeping everything surface level, it helped me add a bit more personality without it feeling forced.
It was still me, just presented better. That was the main difference.
Within a couple of weeks, I started to notice more matches coming through. Not loads, but definitely more than before, and the conversations felt a bit more natural from the start.
Messaging has always been the hard part
This has always been where I struggle. Knowing how to start, what to say next, how to keep it going without it feeling awkward.
Coming out of a long relationship where none of that mattered, it has been the hardest part to adjust to.
Flirtist helped here as well. It gave me a way to approach conversations without second guessing everything. Not scripts, just guidance that actually fits what is happening in the chat.
It helped me understand tone a bit better, when to keep things light, when to be a bit more direct. Over time, I found myself relying on it less because I was starting to get the hang of it.
It has made a difference where it counts
I am still not someone who finds dating easy, but it feels manageable now.
I am having proper conversations instead of things just stopping after a few messages. I have been on a few dates over the past couple of months as well, which is something I could not say before.
More than anything, I do not feel stuck with it anymore.
Finally feel like I am getting somewhere
Living in London, I always thought I should be doing better when it came to dating. Like I was missing something obvious.
Turns out I just needed a bit of direction.
Flirtist has not changed who I am. It has just helped me understand how to present myself and communicate in a way that works in this kind of environment.
The quiz was a big part of that. It gave me a starting point and made everything else feel a lot clearer.
For the first time in a long time, I feel like I am actually making progress with it. Not perfect, but definitely moving in the right direction.
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